IsZi
April 24th, 2003, 17:44
WALKING HIS PENGUIN
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A drunk is walking down the wrong side of the street with a leash in his hand. Walking alongside him at the end of the leash, of all things in the world, is a penguin! A policeman on patrol notices the drunk and calls it in. The dispatcher could barely contain his laughter, as he tells the policeman to have the drunk give his penguin to the zoo.
The policeman gets out of his car to address the drunk. "Excuse me sir, but what... exactly are you doing here?"
The drunk replies, startled, "Uh, well... this is my pet penguin here - see, my license for him - and I have him on a leash, so it's legal, and we're just going out here for a walk. Is something wrong?"
"Don't you think you should take that penguin to the zoo?" The policeman asks.
The drunk opens his eyes wide in astonishment. "Y'know what? I've never thought of that!" he said. "I think I'm gonna go do that right now! Thanks a lot!"
The policeman smiles, and sends the drunk man with his pet penguin on their way.
The next day out on patrol again, the policeman stops and stares in shock as he sees the drunk walking his penguin again. Leaning out of his car this time, he yells "Hey, didn't I tell you to take that thing to the zoo!"
The drunk turns and responds with a smile, "Yeah, and thanks a lot! We had such a good time yesterday that today we're going to the museum!"
===============================================
TARGET PRACTICE
============
A drunk walks up to the bar, and calls to the bartender.
"Bartender, can I have another...drink?"
The bartender looks at him, considering the request for a moment.
"All right," he says. "But this is your last one for the night. Any more, and I'm afraid you'll fall over!"
The drunk cheerfully accepts the drink from the bartender, nursing it for a moment, when he turns to notice a dartboard on the wall.
"Bartender," he inquires. "There's a... a target on the wall. What's it there for?"
The bartender reaches under the bar to pull out three darts and show them to the drunk. "See these three darts?" The drunk gives him a blank stare for a moment, then vaguely nods affirmation. "Well, if you can throw three bulls-eyes into that dartboard from here, I'll give ya a prize!"
"Really?" says the drunk man, almost losing his balance on the barstool. "I'd like to give that a try."
The bartender looks to make sure there's no one standing in the vicinity of the dartboard, who might get hurt, then gives the drunk the three darts.
The drunk cocks his arm up, and heaves the first dart forward, following through too much and falling off the barstool and onto his face.
When he gets up to look, he sees a fuzzy-looking dart, dead-center on the three moving dartboards. He sits back on the barstool, this time keeping his legs tight around it to make sure he stays on. In the middle of his second throw, he half-loses his balance and the barstool spins around several times as he lanches the dart into the air. When the stool stops, he turns to see another perfect bulls-eye.
The bartender stares in wonder as the drunk throws his third dart, then attempts to lean back in satisfaction, but instead falls backwards off the barstool, after making his third bulls-eye.
When he gets back up, the drunk asks the bartender. "So, what's my prize?" The bartender, unprepared for this, replies "Uh, I'll be right back." and goes into the back of the store. Shortly, he returns with a box turtle, which the drunk man accepts graciously with the biggest smile on his face. "Wow, thanks! Nobody's ever given me something like this before!" The drunk leaves the store with his prize, and the bartender thinks nothing more of it.
A few months later, the drunk returns. "Hey, bartender! Remember that target game with the three darts? Can I give it another try?" The bartender, vaguely recalling the event, pulls out the darts and hands them to the drunk. Again, the drunk amazingly manages to make his three bulls-eyes, and turns to the bartender. "So, can I get my prize now?"
The bartender, once again in shock, responds "I'm sorry, it's been awhile. Remind me what I gave you last time?"
"Oh, it was the best prize ever! I've never had anything so great in my entire life!" The drunk exclaims.
"Yes... but what was it?"
"It was a beef sandwich on a hard roll!"
=========================
===============
A drunk is walking down the wrong side of the street with a leash in his hand. Walking alongside him at the end of the leash, of all things in the world, is a penguin! A policeman on patrol notices the drunk and calls it in. The dispatcher could barely contain his laughter, as he tells the policeman to have the drunk give his penguin to the zoo.
The policeman gets out of his car to address the drunk. "Excuse me sir, but what... exactly are you doing here?"
The drunk replies, startled, "Uh, well... this is my pet penguin here - see, my license for him - and I have him on a leash, so it's legal, and we're just going out here for a walk. Is something wrong?"
"Don't you think you should take that penguin to the zoo?" The policeman asks.
The drunk opens his eyes wide in astonishment. "Y'know what? I've never thought of that!" he said. "I think I'm gonna go do that right now! Thanks a lot!"
The policeman smiles, and sends the drunk man with his pet penguin on their way.
The next day out on patrol again, the policeman stops and stares in shock as he sees the drunk walking his penguin again. Leaning out of his car this time, he yells "Hey, didn't I tell you to take that thing to the zoo!"
The drunk turns and responds with a smile, "Yeah, and thanks a lot! We had such a good time yesterday that today we're going to the museum!"
===============================================
TARGET PRACTICE
============
A drunk walks up to the bar, and calls to the bartender.
"Bartender, can I have another...drink?"
The bartender looks at him, considering the request for a moment.
"All right," he says. "But this is your last one for the night. Any more, and I'm afraid you'll fall over!"
The drunk cheerfully accepts the drink from the bartender, nursing it for a moment, when he turns to notice a dartboard on the wall.
"Bartender," he inquires. "There's a... a target on the wall. What's it there for?"
The bartender reaches under the bar to pull out three darts and show them to the drunk. "See these three darts?" The drunk gives him a blank stare for a moment, then vaguely nods affirmation. "Well, if you can throw three bulls-eyes into that dartboard from here, I'll give ya a prize!"
"Really?" says the drunk man, almost losing his balance on the barstool. "I'd like to give that a try."
The bartender looks to make sure there's no one standing in the vicinity of the dartboard, who might get hurt, then gives the drunk the three darts.
The drunk cocks his arm up, and heaves the first dart forward, following through too much and falling off the barstool and onto his face.
When he gets up to look, he sees a fuzzy-looking dart, dead-center on the three moving dartboards. He sits back on the barstool, this time keeping his legs tight around it to make sure he stays on. In the middle of his second throw, he half-loses his balance and the barstool spins around several times as he lanches the dart into the air. When the stool stops, he turns to see another perfect bulls-eye.
The bartender stares in wonder as the drunk throws his third dart, then attempts to lean back in satisfaction, but instead falls backwards off the barstool, after making his third bulls-eye.
When he gets back up, the drunk asks the bartender. "So, what's my prize?" The bartender, unprepared for this, replies "Uh, I'll be right back." and goes into the back of the store. Shortly, he returns with a box turtle, which the drunk man accepts graciously with the biggest smile on his face. "Wow, thanks! Nobody's ever given me something like this before!" The drunk leaves the store with his prize, and the bartender thinks nothing more of it.
A few months later, the drunk returns. "Hey, bartender! Remember that target game with the three darts? Can I give it another try?" The bartender, vaguely recalling the event, pulls out the darts and hands them to the drunk. Again, the drunk amazingly manages to make his three bulls-eyes, and turns to the bartender. "So, can I get my prize now?"
The bartender, once again in shock, responds "I'm sorry, it's been awhile. Remind me what I gave you last time?"
"Oh, it was the best prize ever! I've never had anything so great in my entire life!" The drunk exclaims.
"Yes... but what was it?"
"It was a beef sandwich on a hard roll!"
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