Another Joke - Two Weeks

[-=DoW=- JBDiamonds]

Two Weeks


Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple, wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but yes, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."

[-=DoW=- JBDiamonds]

One of the Wise Men


Three wise men were following a star through the desert. The star stopped over a little village and began to shine brightly on a barn behind a small inn. The three wise men walked into the barn and found a little baby lying in a manger.

As they approached the manger one of the wise men walked into a plough and smashed his knee on the handle. In agony, he yelled out, "JESUS CHRIST!" Then a voice came down from above and said, "That's a good name. I was going to call him Roger."

[-=DoW=- JBDiamonds]

The Mental Health Hotline


Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press--no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or, after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk with you.

[Mr.Risk]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Gandiman]

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: