-=DoW=- JBDiamonds
June 15th, 2003, 15:38
The Five Stages, of Drinking
LEVEL 1:
Its 11:00 on a weeknight you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of 'our Mends buys another round. One of your unemployed friends Here at level one you think (to yourself, "Oh come on, why as long a I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
LEVEL 2:
Its midnight You've had a few more beers You've just spent 2O minutes arguing against artificial turf: You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. and now you're thinking, "Hey, I’m out with my friends! what am I working for anyway? These are the good times, besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."
LEVEL 3:
One In the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila (you’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing for artificial turf: And now you're thinking, " Our waitress Is the most beautiful woman, I’ve ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies (like "Hey fellas, If we bought our own beers; we could live together forever. We could do It Tommy you could cook) But at level three, that devil Is a little bit bigger…and he's buying. And you're thinking "0h come on come on now As long as I get three hours sleep…and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."’
LEVEL 4:
Two In the morning, And the devil Is bartending. For last call you ordered a bottle of Rum and a Coke You are artificial turf. This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the strange at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, ''0ur busboy Is the best looking man I’ve ever seen". You and your mends decide to leave right after you get thrown out and one of you knows an … after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself , "Well… as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I might as well STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!!! Yeah! That’d be good for me I don’t mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards Yeah, I’ll turn that around make it work for me And besides as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow………… cool!!!"
LEVEL 5:
Five In the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get you money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don’t even know anybody named Ruby!!!", you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been In prison a recently as…that morning, its the kind of place where even the devil Is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I’ve got a brunch with Hitler, I can’t miss that.) At this point you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!" One of your friends stands up and screams, WE'RE DRIVING TO FLORIDA!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar In daylight and see people on their way to work or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say… "who's Ruby?" Lets be honest if you're 19 an you stay up all night it’s like a victory like you've beat the night, but If you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear; I will never do this again (How long?) as long as I live!!!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time I mean it!!!"
LEVEL 1:
Its 11:00 on a weeknight you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of 'our Mends buys another round. One of your unemployed friends Here at level one you think (to yourself, "Oh come on, why as long a I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
LEVEL 2:
Its midnight You've had a few more beers You've just spent 2O minutes arguing against artificial turf: You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. and now you're thinking, "Hey, I’m out with my friends! what am I working for anyway? These are the good times, besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."
LEVEL 3:
One In the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila (you’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing for artificial turf: And now you're thinking, " Our waitress Is the most beautiful woman, I’ve ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies (like "Hey fellas, If we bought our own beers; we could live together forever. We could do It Tommy you could cook) But at level three, that devil Is a little bit bigger…and he's buying. And you're thinking "0h come on come on now As long as I get three hours sleep…and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."’
LEVEL 4:
Two In the morning, And the devil Is bartending. For last call you ordered a bottle of Rum and a Coke You are artificial turf. This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the strange at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, ''0ur busboy Is the best looking man I’ve ever seen". You and your mends decide to leave right after you get thrown out and one of you knows an … after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself , "Well… as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I might as well STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!!! Yeah! That’d be good for me I don’t mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards Yeah, I’ll turn that around make it work for me And besides as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow………… cool!!!"
LEVEL 5:
Five In the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get you money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don’t even know anybody named Ruby!!!", you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been In prison a recently as…that morning, its the kind of place where even the devil Is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I’ve got a brunch with Hitler, I can’t miss that.) At this point you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!" One of your friends stands up and screams, WE'RE DRIVING TO FLORIDA!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar In daylight and see people on their way to work or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say… "who's Ruby?" Lets be honest if you're 19 an you stay up all night it’s like a victory like you've beat the night, but If you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear; I will never do this again (How long?) as long as I live!!!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time I mean it!!!"