The LARK program

[Acedeal]

Subject: The LARK program

The LARK Program

A concerned citizen wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of captives taken during the Afghanistan war.
Here's the reply:

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The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion
was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one- handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your yard).

He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with
your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice
that hasn't been completely remedied.

Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage:
Does not play well with others. "Although Ahmed is sociopathic and
extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as
his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came
back negative so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer
counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills
at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have
available for their use several copies of the Q'uran. You might consider
supervising these sessions as Muslim tradition accepts and condones sex
with young boys. Oh - and rest assured he absolutely loves animals,
especially cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too,
if they aren't more than 2 or 3 days dead.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you,
who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for
people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with
expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help
you do your job better. Don't be concerned that they have the power to
close your business, seize your property, and arrest you for any violation
of the 4,850,206 laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your
profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything
the proper way.

Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of liberal citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed- and remember...we'll be watching.

Sincerely, GWB

[Acedeal]

THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle
them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing
and pout...run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

[-=DoW=- boba_fett]

This is in response to the LARK program.
If only that were true. How many of the citizens of this country think that they can be uninformed back-seat legislators/Presidents? The # of idiots in this country seems to grow at the same pace as the National deficit, and they all think that they know better. These are the same people that argue that the military and teachers don't deserve any pay raises, the same people that burn the American flag, and the same people that I have to fight for so they can have the rights to do it. Understand, I am not complaining about my service to this country or the people that live here, just that I am fed up with the jackasses that think their rights are going to always be their no matter what. People like me and many others fought to make this country what it is.
Without the soldiers and the gov't of the United States, we would still be a British state(or French, Dutch, Spanish, Mexican, etc.).
Without the Constitution and the Federal Government America would have fallen apart in the 1860's.
American soldiers saved us from becoming Japanese citizens in the 1940's(yes I know its going to the extreme but I have a point to make).
The point is these panty-waist liberals(and even extreme conservatives) want to berate the military and our leaders for what they disagree with. That is fine. Just remember, if it weren't for us, that might be an offense that could get you lacked away for life or even killed. It's legal in this country because of the blood, sweat, tears, and lives of so many of the best and brightest that this country has ever had to offer. We make it safe so that you can hate us. :evil: :evil: :evil: :anim_mar: :_Salute:

[Acedeal]

Well, to stay on the same thought with bfett22, here is someting that was sent to my email

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Subject: Best column from SUPER BOWL XXXVII

From Sports Columnist Bryan Burwell

"SAN DIEGO - It was just around midnight Tuesday night, and the outdoor
courtyard at Dick's Last Resort was throbbing with the rowdy energy of a
spring break bacchanal. There was loud rock music blaring out of the stereo
speakers, and the air was filled with the distinct and somewhat revolting
aroma of deep-fried bar food, cigarette smoke and spilled beer.

Dick's is the sort of bar-restaurant ideally suited for Super Bowl week
mischief, because it has a down-and-dirty roadhouse feels to it. The
waiters, waitresses and bartenders are charmingly rude, and the wood floors
are covered with sand and all sorts of indistinguishable debris. The
clientele on this evening is a fascinating mix of twenty-something college
kids, thirty-something conventioneers and 40-something Super Bowl
high-rollers.

Yet there was one table in Dick's courtyard Tuesday night that was
noticeably different from the others. There were six young men at the table
and one young woman, and while they were drinking like everyone else in the
room, there was something all too serious going on at this table that let
you know that their thoughts were a long way from the mindless frivolity of
Super Bowl week.

Maybe it was the close-cropped "barracks haircuts" that gave them away. All
the men's heads were cut in that familiar look of a professional soldier,
skin-close on the sides, and on top a tight shock of hair that resembled new
shoe-brush bristles.

"We're Marines," one man told me. "And tomorrow we're boarding a ship for .
. . well . . . I really can't tell you where, but you know."

Of course we knew. In less than an hour, they would report back to a ship
docked along the Southern California coast, then on Wednesday head across
the Pacific Ocean, bound for a potential war in Iraq. So this was no Super
Bowl party for them. This was their last night out on the town. One Marine
was saying goodbye to his wife. The others were not so lucky. They all just
sat around the table, throwing back beers and wrestling with the sobering
uncertainty of the rest of their lives.

"We're going to war and none of us knows if we're ever coming back," said
another Marine, a 28-year-old from Southern Illinois. They all requested
that I not use their names. "Just tell 'em we're the men of (Marine Aviation

Land Support Squad 39)," they said.

On Super Bowl Sunday, the men of MALS 39 will be watching the game from the
mess hall of their ship. "That is, if we're lucky and the weather is good
and it doesn't interfere with the satellite signal," said the Marine with
the bald head and burnt-orange shirt. "But I gotta tell you, I'm not that
big a sports fan anymore. It's going to be the first pro football game I've
watched in . . . I can't even remember."

Why is that?

"Well, here's my problem with pro sports today," he said. "I don't care
whether it's football, basketball or baseball. Guys are complaining about
making $6 million instead of $7 million, and what is their job? Playing a
damned game. You know what I made last year? I made $14,000. They pay me
$14,000, and you know what my job description is? I'm paid to take a
bullet."

When he said those words, it positively staggered me.

Fourteen thousand dollars to take a bullet.

Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of what a wonderful life I lead. I
am paid to write about sports and tell stories on radio and television about
the games people play. But sometimes, even in the midst of a grand sporting
event, something happens to put the frivolity of sports into its proper
perspective, and this was it.

Fourteen thousand dollars to take a bullet.

As I sit here writing from my hotel room, I can look out my balcony window
and I see a Navy battleship cutting through the San Diego Bay, heading out
to sea. I can see the sailors standing on the deck as the ship sails past
Coronado Island, the San Diego Marina and the downtown Seaport Village, and
I wonder if any of the men from MALS 39 are aboard.

It was only 12 hours ago that I was sitting at the table with my guys,
buying them beers, and listening to their soldier stories. The Marine from
Southern Illinois who sat to my right pointed to the bald Marine in the
orange shirt who was seated to my left. "You know, I don't even know this
guy, can you believe that? We just met a few hours ago when we came into
Dick's. Oh, I've seen him on the base, but I've never met him before
tonight. But here's what's so special about that man, and why I love that
man. He's my brother. Semper Fi. I know a guy back home, and he is my best
friend. I'm 28 years old and we've known each other all our lives. But
today, that friend is more of a stranger to me than that Marine sitting over
there, who I've never met before tonight.

That's why they call it a Band of Brothers."

The little Marine in the orange shirt lifted his glass toward the Marine
from Southern Illinois and nodded his head. That's right," he said. "That's
my brother over there, and I'm gonna take a bullet for him if I have to." He
said it with a calm and jolting certainty. There was a moving, but chilling,
pride in his words.

All around them, people were drinking, shouting and laughing. The college
kids and the conventioneers and NFL high-rollers were living the good,
carefree life. Across the street, a storefront that was vacant two weeks ago
was now filled with $30 caps, $400 leather jackets, $40 mugs and $27
T-shirts with the fancy blue and yellow Super Bowl XXXVII logo embroidered
on it.

From every end of the streets of downtown San Diego's fabled Gaslamp
Quarter, Super Bowl revelers toasted the Raiders and the Bucanneers with
grog-sized mugs filled with beers and rums. But just around midnight in the
middle of the courtyard of Dick's Last Resort, a far more deserving toast
was going up to the men of MALS 39. We clicked our glasses together, and a
few minutes later, they quietly slipped out the courtyard gates.

Suddenly, the Super Bowl didn't seem so important anymore."

[-=DoW=- boba_fett]

Here's another one for you Ace, and anybody who has ever served in the military will find this to be not only accurate, but will take pride in their lives and accomplishments because of it.


> Subject: SERVICEMEN'S PAY
>
> On 12 Nov, Ms Cindy Williams (from Laverne and Shirley TV show) wrote a
> piece for the Washington Times, denouncing the pay raise(s) coming
> servicemembers' way this year -- citing that the stated 13% wage was
> more than they deserve.
>
> A young airman from Hill AFB responds to her article below. He ought to
> get a bonus for this!
>
> "Ms Williams
>
> I just had the pleasure of reading your column, "Our GIs earn enough"
> and I am a bit confused. Frankly, I'm wondering where this vaunted
> overpayment is going, because as far as I can tell, it disappears every
> month between DFAS (The Defense Finance and Accounting Service) and my
> bank account. Checking my latest leave and earnings statement (LES), I
> see that I make $1,117.80 before taxes. After taxes, I take home
> $874.20. When I run that through Windows' Calculator, I come up with an
> annual salary of $13,413.60 before taxes, and $10,490.40 after.
>
> I work in the Air Force Network Control Center (AFNCC), where I am part
> of the team responsible for the administration of a 5,000-host computer
> network. I am involved with infrastructure segments, specifically with
> Cisco Systems equipment. A quick check under jobs for Network
> Technicians in the Washington, D.C. area reveals a position in my
> career field, requiring three years experience with my job. Amazingly,
> this job does NOT pay $13,413.60 a year, nor does it pay less than this.
> No, this job is being offered at $70,000 to $80,000 per annum. I'm sure
> you can draw the obvious conclusions.
>
> Also, you tout increases to Basic Allowance for Housing and Basic
> Allowance for Subsistence (housing and food allowances, respectively) as
> being a further boon to an already overcompensated force. Again, I'm
> curious as to where this money has gone, as BAH and BAS were both
> slashed
> 15% in the Hill AFB area effective in January 00.
>
> Given the tenor of your column, I would assume that you have NEVER had
> the pleasure of serving your country in her armed forces. Before you
> take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD
> leadership for attempting to get the families in the military's lowest
> pay brackets off AFDC, WIC, and food stamps, I suggest that you join a
> group of deploying soldiers headed for AFGHANISTAN, I leave the choice
> of service branch up to you. Whatever choice you make, though, opt for
> the SIX month rotation: it will guarantee you the longest possible time
> away from your family and friends, thus giving you full "deployment
> experience."
>
> As your group prepares to board the plane, make sure to note the spouses
> and children who are saying good-bye to their loved ones. Also take
> care to note that several families are still unsure of how they'll be
> able to make ends meet while the primary breadwinner is gone --
> obviously they've been squandering the vast piles of cash the DOD has
> been giving them.
>
> Try to deploy over a major holiday; Christmas and Thanksgiving are
> perennial favorites.
>
> And when you're actually over there, sitting in a DFP (Defensive Fire
> Position, the modern-day foxhole), shivering against the cold desert
> night; and the flight sergeant tells you that there aren't enough people
> on shift to relieve you for chow, remember this: trade whatever MRE
> (meal-ready-to-eat) you manage to get for the tuna noodle casserole or
> cheese tortellini, and add Tabasco to everything. This gives some
> flavor.
>
> Talk to your loved ones as often as you are permitted; it won't nearly
> be long enough or often enough, but take what you can get and be
> thankful for it. You may have picked up on the fact that I disagree
> with most of the points you present in your op-ed piece.
>
> But, tomorrow from KABUL, I will defend to the death your right to say
> it.
> You see, I am an American fighting man, a guarantor of your First
> Amendment rights and every other right you cherish. On a daily basis,
> my brother and sister soldiers worldwide ensure that you and people like
> you can thumb your collective nose at us, all on a salary that is
> nothing short of pitiful and under conditions that would make most
> people cringe.
>
> We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we
> can't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies. And you, Ms
> Williams, have the gall to say that we make more than we deserve?
>
> Rubbish!
>
> A1C Michael Bragg, Hill AFB AFNCC"
>
> SHOW YOUR SUPPORT OF THE AMERICAN FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN. THANK YOU.
>
> THIS LETTER SHOULD BE APPLAUDED BY ANYONE WHO'S EVER SERVED OR HAD A FAMILY MEMBER SERVE IN THE ARMED FORCES! THIS YOUNG MAN DESERVES A MEDAL!

[Acedeal]

'77-81 USN
VA-82 and VA-87
A-7's USS America // USS Nimitz
AO-EOD
(and still have all 10 fingers :) )

[Mschadt]

I’ve had the majority of my friends go in to the Army or Air Force and even one to the Navy, and a cousin that became a Puddle Pirate. Ever since I joined the NJROTC in high school I’ve thought about joining the Marine Corps. But I have to admit signing away my soul for a 4-8 years is a bit foreboding, as well as joining an armed force with the word “Corps” in its name :lol: . This thread has put me a few steps closer to going and a talking with a recruiter again. As well as the fact I just found out that I’d go in as an E-3 / E-4 right off the bat.

-=DoW=-Mschadt

p.s. any currant/former service man with any words of wisdom PM me. Especially if anyone knows anything about the USMC PLC training program.

[IsZi]

Well, a lot of this topic looks like the kinda stuff that generally ends up in my e-mail box from various people, requested or not. Normally, I call it e-mail spam, but some of it is actually funny, and/or worth some thought. Here's one example:

----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Australian Police Officer speaks out.
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2002 11:57:03 -0600

Ed Chenel, a police officer in Australia asked that
this be put on the Moon list.

Hi Yanks, I thought you all would like to see the
real figures from Down Under. It has now been 12 months
since gun owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender
640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by our own government, a
program costing Australian taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.

The first year results are now in:
Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent;
Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent;
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent
(yes, 44 percent)

In the state of Victoria alone homicides with
firearms are now up 300 percent. (Note that while the
law-abiding citizens turned
them in, the criminals did not and the criminals
still possess their guns!)

While figures over the past 25 years shown a steady
decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has
changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals
now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed. There has also been a
dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the elderly.

Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how
public safety has decreased after such a monumental effort
and expense was expended in successfully ridding Australian society
of guns.

You won't see this data on the American evening news
or hear your governor or members of the state Assembly
disseminating this information.

The Australian experience proves it. Guns in the
hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes,
gun-control laws affect only the law-abiding citizens. Take note
Americans, before it is too late!
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