Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 6 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business.

While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadnít rolled itself outside. It certainly hadnít killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadnít even loaded itself.

Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and itís the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

Alright, well Iím off to check on my spoons. I hear theyíre making people fat.